We were defiant
of our own vessel
that puts reason
to our thinking;
we were often
mesmerized by how
our senses prevailed,
as means to -
transcribe the world,
prolong its truth,
and act according
to what was intentionally
misconceived.
So I’ve been in a relationship for 18 years now. And I see a lot of posts on Facebook about how people think relationships mean having butterflies forever, your heart beating faster when they walk into a room, about cuddling together every night, legs intertwined, that you’d be so happy to live together you’d sleep on a double bed with each other every night. And it’s not really like that, at least not to me. You stop getting the butterflies when you live together. Your heart no longer speeds up when you see them, but instead, everything calms down. When you are in the room with them, you can feel calm, and secure. When you cuddle them you feel your heart beat slow, and the sound of their breathing carry you towards comfort. It doesn’t feel like a roller coaster anymore, it feels like home. You don’t sleep curled up with each other every night, legs twisted between theirs so tight it’s hard to tell where yours begin and theirs end. Instead, you sleep comfortably, side by side, sometimes facing different directions. But every night, find yourself scooting backwards on the bed so you bump into them. You snuggle against their arm, or stroke their hair as they fall asleep. There are nights when my wife, in her sleep, reaches around me and pulls me to her, like a child with his teddybear, like I am her comfort. In the wee hours of the morning before the dawn breaks, when the world is blue and you see through cracked eyes, you curl into their back and inhale their scent before drifting back to sleep. Kisses aren’t always romantic and fiery anymore. But there are so much more of them now. There could be cold kisses when you’re eating ice cream in the summer, and sticky kisses over the breakfast. There’s “I’m leaving now” kisses, and “one more kiss before you go” kisses. There’s sleepy morning kisses before work, when you don’t remember the alarm going off but instead the press of their lips agains yours is what brings you into the day. There’s kisses before sleep, and, you are so sweet with the things you do kisses. There’s kisses because you treat animals so tenderly, and i’m so glad I’m with you and not someone else kisses. There’s quick kisses in the aisles of the grocery store, when its loud and you gravitate together, when instead of having your own personal space and their own personal space, its both of yours together, and step into their back to take up less area together. You don’t always text each other with confessions of love and care like you used to, because that’s a given now, and you’ve moved on to quirky inside jokes about the life you’ve built together. You share looks of exasperation and amusement in public, your own lithe world against the outside one. Relationships aren’t always a fairy tale. They’re not always fireworks and sparks, at least, after the start. But they are a quiet rhythm and hum of love and care. It’s not a fire in your soul, but one in your heart, keeping you warm and comfortable, comforting you as a drowsily drift into sleep.
Sam and Dean live at the bunker permanently now. Cas lives there too, as does Jack.They all live together, the three older ones raising the youngest as their own.
Rowena and other Charlie also ended up there, too. Neither having any other family, the found themselves unable to leave the Winchesters.
Charlie falls in easily with everyone.
Sam and Rowena talk about their fate, but Sam’s not sure its truth any longer. There’s too much between them now. He doesn’t ever see him killing her. Ever.
Jack goes to school. Rowena and Cas work with him on his powers. He’s pretty fucking powerful. Defeated Michael on his own.
Garth and all the other monsters were released from Michael’s powers when he died. He and Bess are happy and keep to themselves.
Sam is technically the King of Hell, but it mostly runs itself. He doesn’t mind. He is a Man of Letters, after all.
Mom and other Bobby hooked up and took off to some cabin.
Nick, unfortunately, went a little crazy and got himself committed to a psychiatric facility. But he is being well taken care of and will likely be able to be on his own again in a few years. Sam and Dean don’t visit. Neither does Jack. But Cas occasionally drops by to check on his progression. It’s slow.
Our Michael was rescued from the cage and returned to heaven. Naomi and Anael will watch him and heal him - he had been through so much torture, his recovery could take eons. But he’s there, and heaven is fully charged.
Monsters still roam, but they all stay out of it. It’s enough they have each other. They offer guidance, but their hands are clean.
Dean struggles every so often, as does Sam, for various reasons, but they stick together.
